New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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