My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
