Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sober January is a disaster.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
