Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
