dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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