Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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