True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
