What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
