Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
