i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
