we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
