I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
