How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
