My friends, they love my intelligence
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
