Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
