The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
