let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
