if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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