He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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