I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
