Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Randomize
