So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My breasts were aching with rage.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
