i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
