If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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