I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
