she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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