Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
