He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
