and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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