You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
