I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
