i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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