Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
