Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
