he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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