Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
