so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
