Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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