Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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