Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
