just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
