Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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