Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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