it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
