i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
