i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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