Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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