I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
