he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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