I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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