I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
