3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
