After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
