You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
