Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Life is so much better after having sex.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
