There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
