That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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