this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
