Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
