I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
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