gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
