I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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