If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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