i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
