My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
