She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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