Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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