a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
