I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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