Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
40s are totally the cure
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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