So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
