I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
