Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
