You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Pants are for mortals
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize