bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.