i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It was a blind-side dick pic.