My room smells like vodka and shame
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
