I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
